Dear Reader,
You can find me on http://paragprasad.wordpress.com going forward.
Thanks.
16 Jan 2009
12 Jan 2009
Rab Ne Bana Di Ghodi - II
Ladize and Gentalman,
I, PP, am back. I am still in the well and am hoping that you continue to remain in the well as well. Sorry, delay happened in story telling as there was customer work. Now thoughts are back in mind and so I am back.
After saying bye to Ghodi, marrij proceshan entered marrij hall. Gud decorashan was decorated and few notty children were running around disturbing chairs. Some local Pushkar doggies also had come and notty children were beating them. Few guests were sitting idling waiting for food que to get lesser, so many hungry peepul were attacking cooker and his team that cooker became pressure cooker. Running around with utencils, with 2 hands, he was giving 6 type food to 6 people simultaneously. Everybody like his food and after success in my marrij, he became quite a prestige cooker in Ajmer.
My frands took me to marrij podeam, where two big decorashan chairs were put. After seeing accu-pressure from Ghodi spine, I did not want to sit anymore. But this time, chair was nicely cotton filled and even had soft cover, so I sat down and waited for Ms MK to come. Then I saw Ms MK with family peepul coming towards podeam with garland in her hand. Family peepul had done fashion with passion and all cameraman ran to shoot them. Ms MK came, garland ceremoney was done, guests who had finished food, came and gave money. The food que was not getting lesser and I was worried that no food will be left for me and Ms MK. After sitting in podeam for 1 hour, some frand remembered that we were hungry also, and so they took us to food table. With so many peepul around, laughing, noisying, I couldn’t eat anything.
Then came phera ceremoney. Famus Pandit came to do phera and he started with big big mantras. We sat down on floor, again making me remember Ghodi. Pandit spoke Mantra for 1 hr, then light up the phera fire for half hour, then again started with mantra. I asked Pandit lets do phera, but he said no no, first lets pray to all gods. Hindu religion has 64 million gods and I thought this Pandit will now take many days to pray to all. Another 30 minutes and then he said groom mantras are finished, now its time for bride mantras. Pandit wanted to give extra value for my father’s money. But I gave him some more money and said lets do phera now. Pandit agreed to cut down bride mantra by 1 hr and then we started phera. Ms MK wanted to walk slow, but I wanted to run. Finally with some adjustment between our speeds, we finished entire phera ceremoney in 4 hrs. It was 3 in the night and again some function was there at 6 AM, we were very tired and couldn’t rest that night at all.
Marrij supposed to be happy affair, but what I remember is Ghodi spine, no food, long painful hungry ceremoney and everybody else seeming happy for our marrij except me and Ms MK. Now I know why divorce rate in India is so low, who would want to marry again with so much pain.
And so the story ends, I say Ta Ta to all and wish you remain forever in the well.
I, PP, am back. I am still in the well and am hoping that you continue to remain in the well as well. Sorry, delay happened in story telling as there was customer work. Now thoughts are back in mind and so I am back.
After saying bye to Ghodi, marrij proceshan entered marrij hall. Gud decorashan was decorated and few notty children were running around disturbing chairs. Some local Pushkar doggies also had come and notty children were beating them. Few guests were sitting idling waiting for food que to get lesser, so many hungry peepul were attacking cooker and his team that cooker became pressure cooker. Running around with utencils, with 2 hands, he was giving 6 type food to 6 people simultaneously. Everybody like his food and after success in my marrij, he became quite a prestige cooker in Ajmer.
My frands took me to marrij podeam, where two big decorashan chairs were put. After seeing accu-pressure from Ghodi spine, I did not want to sit anymore. But this time, chair was nicely cotton filled and even had soft cover, so I sat down and waited for Ms MK to come. Then I saw Ms MK with family peepul coming towards podeam with garland in her hand. Family peepul had done fashion with passion and all cameraman ran to shoot them. Ms MK came, garland ceremoney was done, guests who had finished food, came and gave money. The food que was not getting lesser and I was worried that no food will be left for me and Ms MK. After sitting in podeam for 1 hour, some frand remembered that we were hungry also, and so they took us to food table. With so many peepul around, laughing, noisying, I couldn’t eat anything.
Then came phera ceremoney. Famus Pandit came to do phera and he started with big big mantras. We sat down on floor, again making me remember Ghodi. Pandit spoke Mantra for 1 hr, then light up the phera fire for half hour, then again started with mantra. I asked Pandit lets do phera, but he said no no, first lets pray to all gods. Hindu religion has 64 million gods and I thought this Pandit will now take many days to pray to all. Another 30 minutes and then he said groom mantras are finished, now its time for bride mantras. Pandit wanted to give extra value for my father’s money. But I gave him some more money and said lets do phera now. Pandit agreed to cut down bride mantra by 1 hr and then we started phera. Ms MK wanted to walk slow, but I wanted to run. Finally with some adjustment between our speeds, we finished entire phera ceremoney in 4 hrs. It was 3 in the night and again some function was there at 6 AM, we were very tired and couldn’t rest that night at all.
Marrij supposed to be happy affair, but what I remember is Ghodi spine, no food, long painful hungry ceremoney and everybody else seeming happy for our marrij except me and Ms MK. Now I know why divorce rate in India is so low, who would want to marry again with so much pain.
And so the story ends, I say Ta Ta to all and wish you remain forever in the well.
Andhra Mess
And so the mighty fell with a faxed confession. And took along with him a brand, credibility for IT offshoring, dignity that other service providers earned in decades and potentially, livelihood of 50,000 families.
This too shall pass, and while his progressions of transgressions gets documented, I hope better sense now prevails and he brings down the root cause of this mess - the nexus of politicians and land mafia. And on the side, break the knuckles of the auditors and banks that colluded to mislead common investors and customers.
PS: PP says, Raju is like a retired school teacher - no class and no principles
This too shall pass, and while his progressions of transgressions gets documented, I hope better sense now prevails and he brings down the root cause of this mess - the nexus of politicians and land mafia. And on the side, break the knuckles of the auditors and banks that colluded to mislead common investors and customers.
PS: PP says, Raju is like a retired school teacher - no class and no principles
2 Jan 2009
Rab Ne Bana Di Ghodi
Ladize and Gentalman,
Myself, PP, saying Namaste with folding hands to all of you. I am in the well and hope that you are also in the well. I native of Rajasthan, famus for dessert and camel which drinks once and runs everywhere. I growing up in Marwari public school and so English of mine not like English of bangalorees. But I want to talk English as all do not able to follow Marwari.
Today I tell you story of my marrij to Miss MK of Allahabad. She conwent school and then enginear collij, all English, and so both speak and talk English only in flat. My marrij was placed in Pushkar city, 14 km far from Ajmer. Camel take 1 day to make journey, so we start for journey 3 days advance. Everything was gud, all family peepul and Ms MK family peepul, all staying together in state tourist resort. Big big food was cooked and our cooker and his team made all 3 meals of everyday full of ghee, shugar and wheet, rise,vegitable and pulces. Cocktale party was best party as cooker made chickan and muttan also. Many sang song, ding dong, dancing, all rum and vodka flowing, soda was finished, but nobody did problem, they took handpump water and saved vodka from wasting.
In Marrij evening, Ghodi came and I was made sit on it by my happy frands. Although I slightly healthy, ghodi was slightly weak. Ghodi back cover was also not fully cotton filled, and when baraat started with full dancing, comfort went away from me and Ghodi. My spinal cord and Ghodi’s spinal cord started frictioning, and every Ghodi step made more pain for both. Idiot frands of mine just not stopping dancing and when pain increasing, their dancing increasing. Ghodi and I gave abuses from inside both our Sehra’s but in so high band sound, nobody hearing. Finally we reach bride place and finally dancing stopping. I thanked God and got down with sigh. Ghodi also thanked God and sat down with sigh.
Now I take break, you tell me if you want to heer about marrij hall proceeding and how stupid Pandit made 7 phera ceremoney for 4 hrs. Rest part of story tomorrow telling.
Myself, PP, saying Namaste with folding hands to all of you. I am in the well and hope that you are also in the well. I native of Rajasthan, famus for dessert and camel which drinks once and runs everywhere. I growing up in Marwari public school and so English of mine not like English of bangalorees. But I want to talk English as all do not able to follow Marwari.
Today I tell you story of my marrij to Miss MK of Allahabad. She conwent school and then enginear collij, all English, and so both speak and talk English only in flat. My marrij was placed in Pushkar city, 14 km far from Ajmer. Camel take 1 day to make journey, so we start for journey 3 days advance. Everything was gud, all family peepul and Ms MK family peepul, all staying together in state tourist resort. Big big food was cooked and our cooker and his team made all 3 meals of everyday full of ghee, shugar and wheet, rise,vegitable and pulces. Cocktale party was best party as cooker made chickan and muttan also. Many sang song, ding dong, dancing, all rum and vodka flowing, soda was finished, but nobody did problem, they took handpump water and saved vodka from wasting.
In Marrij evening, Ghodi came and I was made sit on it by my happy frands. Although I slightly healthy, ghodi was slightly weak. Ghodi back cover was also not fully cotton filled, and when baraat started with full dancing, comfort went away from me and Ghodi. My spinal cord and Ghodi’s spinal cord started frictioning, and every Ghodi step made more pain for both. Idiot frands of mine just not stopping dancing and when pain increasing, their dancing increasing. Ghodi and I gave abuses from inside both our Sehra’s but in so high band sound, nobody hearing. Finally we reach bride place and finally dancing stopping. I thanked God and got down with sigh. Ghodi also thanked God and sat down with sigh.
Now I take break, you tell me if you want to heer about marrij hall proceeding and how stupid Pandit made 7 phera ceremoney for 4 hrs. Rest part of story tomorrow telling.
24 Dec 2008
Grains and the Leaner Rat
** This post is in continuation to the Rut Race **
So, what do you do with the Rut Race? Well firstly you don’t lose hope, secondly you invest for the upturn. And what do you invest in? You look out for stuff that is not fundamentally impaired and strengthen it. In today’s world I see two things that are not fundamentally impaired – your capabilities and commodities. Let’s look at each of these and figure this out better.
No matter what happens in the sector, nobody can take away your skills and capabilities. This is true for both companies and individuals. Changing times will require you to strengthen those skill sets and develop new ones which will be in demand in the upturn. Go ahead, re-equip and re-tool yourselves, do those extra trainings, certifications, study and practice your skill well, even if it’s on internal focused assignments. Stay productive and deliver more value to your organization and to your customer. Transform yourselves for the future, become leaner, faster, cheaper and better for your customers and you will see that when your customer finally starts spending again, the leaner rat will reach the grain first.
Which brings us to the commodities angle. All macro variables point to potentially higher inflation worldwide in the foreseeable future. Demand for commodities (food grains, agri produce, metals etc) will only increase while supply will likely not match it in the near term. Keeping in mind that inflation causes price rise (and not the other way round), commodity producers, folks who invest in commodity producing companies’ equity and who trade in commodities directly will likely obtain good returns on their investments. As an investor, take some exposure in commodity funds and FOFs, start small, keep buying on dips and stay focused on the buy and hold strategy for the long term.
Share with me your perspective on how we could emerge stronger for the upturn.
So, what do you do with the Rut Race? Well firstly you don’t lose hope, secondly you invest for the upturn. And what do you invest in? You look out for stuff that is not fundamentally impaired and strengthen it. In today’s world I see two things that are not fundamentally impaired – your capabilities and commodities. Let’s look at each of these and figure this out better.
No matter what happens in the sector, nobody can take away your skills and capabilities. This is true for both companies and individuals. Changing times will require you to strengthen those skill sets and develop new ones which will be in demand in the upturn. Go ahead, re-equip and re-tool yourselves, do those extra trainings, certifications, study and practice your skill well, even if it’s on internal focused assignments. Stay productive and deliver more value to your organization and to your customer. Transform yourselves for the future, become leaner, faster, cheaper and better for your customers and you will see that when your customer finally starts spending again, the leaner rat will reach the grain first.
Which brings us to the commodities angle. All macro variables point to potentially higher inflation worldwide in the foreseeable future. Demand for commodities (food grains, agri produce, metals etc) will only increase while supply will likely not match it in the near term. Keeping in mind that inflation causes price rise (and not the other way round), commodity producers, folks who invest in commodity producing companies’ equity and who trade in commodities directly will likely obtain good returns on their investments. As an investor, take some exposure in commodity funds and FOFs, start small, keep buying on dips and stay focused on the buy and hold strategy for the long term.
Share with me your perspective on how we could emerge stronger for the upturn.
The Rut Race
What will this new year bring us? I think, a lot of gloom. Most of it will get created outside our boundaries but with a knock-on effect on us. Predictions abound about the gloom ahead, the only thing that varies is the intensity and longevity of the gloom. Indications are that most global markets and economies will slump, the big ones have started to cave in and the smaller ones obliged to do so after a lag. We are in that lag right now, spurt in domestic consumption might cushion the downfall but cave we will.
There are two ways in which govt and central banks control the macro economy. Central banks execute the monetary policy and manipulate the interest rates, money supply and currency exchange rates of the country while the Govt executes fiscal policies that deal with budgetary allocations and spending. Although monetary actions bring quick and obvious results in the economy, Central banks lose their teeth when interest rates reach rock bottom which is happening now in economies like US, EU and Japan. RBI still has some leverage with interest rates in India, which is a huge positive. Fiscal measures on the other hand follow the slow and steady route and if executed well typically bring results in a few years. We are well aware of the execution capabilities of our system in India and I remain doubtful of how effective increased spending on infra and other areas will be. Money gets allocated in the budget, a percentage of it comes out of the ministry, a percentage of that gets into the project, a percentage of that actually gets spent on the work which generates long-term employment etc. I will be watching the monsoon in 2009 quite keenly as a bad one will exacerbate the gloom further.
Global economies will continue to re-price asset values and risk in 2009. Stock markets will remain volatile with negative bias, Credit will likely remain crunched, capacity expansions and personal consumption will remain muted, governments will print more money to throw it at increasing problems which will in itself generate more problems in inflation and depreciating currency, all signs are evident now of impending tough time for industries, investors and consumers alike. All sectors, services and products, will see lesser spending from their customers. With top line impacts, focus on bottom line will increase manifold. Cost savings and operations will be in intense focus and every company will have some tipping point beyond which job and salary cuts, promotions and hiring freeze, productivity improvement measures would need to be implemented for its survival. Overall negativity from all sides will result in employee performance dips across the board and the proverbial rat race will morph into a rut race.
Most opinions do factor in an upswing in the next 2-6 quarters and the hope is that there is gloom but not doom.
What do you think this new year will bring for you?
There are two ways in which govt and central banks control the macro economy. Central banks execute the monetary policy and manipulate the interest rates, money supply and currency exchange rates of the country while the Govt executes fiscal policies that deal with budgetary allocations and spending. Although monetary actions bring quick and obvious results in the economy, Central banks lose their teeth when interest rates reach rock bottom which is happening now in economies like US, EU and Japan. RBI still has some leverage with interest rates in India, which is a huge positive. Fiscal measures on the other hand follow the slow and steady route and if executed well typically bring results in a few years. We are well aware of the execution capabilities of our system in India and I remain doubtful of how effective increased spending on infra and other areas will be. Money gets allocated in the budget, a percentage of it comes out of the ministry, a percentage of that gets into the project, a percentage of that actually gets spent on the work which generates long-term employment etc. I will be watching the monsoon in 2009 quite keenly as a bad one will exacerbate the gloom further.
Global economies will continue to re-price asset values and risk in 2009. Stock markets will remain volatile with negative bias, Credit will likely remain crunched, capacity expansions and personal consumption will remain muted, governments will print more money to throw it at increasing problems which will in itself generate more problems in inflation and depreciating currency, all signs are evident now of impending tough time for industries, investors and consumers alike. All sectors, services and products, will see lesser spending from their customers. With top line impacts, focus on bottom line will increase manifold. Cost savings and operations will be in intense focus and every company will have some tipping point beyond which job and salary cuts, promotions and hiring freeze, productivity improvement measures would need to be implemented for its survival. Overall negativity from all sides will result in employee performance dips across the board and the proverbial rat race will morph into a rut race.
Most opinions do factor in an upswing in the next 2-6 quarters and the hope is that there is gloom but not doom.
What do you think this new year will bring for you?
19 Dec 2008
Ji Hosur
*** People who know Bangalore might relate to this post better****
This morning I had the misfortune to drive the Hosur road stretch from Koramangala upto Keonics. I and my little Zen went through myriad experiences in that half an hour journey which I wanted to share with you. Although popularly called a road, this loose-gravel-high-accident-risk thing perpetually has some construction work being carried out on it. While it lives through the never ending cycle of cracking up and getting re-laid, its commuters are doomed to negotiate erratic traffic, horrible driving conditions and of course horrible drivers.
On a particular bad patch of the road, we encountered this guy driving his pick up truck (lawry) jostling for space against bigger vehicles. Of course he lost and got left behind amongst a group of passenger cars, in which my Zen was minding its own business. This king of the road appeared to have graduated to four wheeling after enhancing his skill to kill in a 3 wheeler. He may not be a Formula One material but his One Formula was to get his front wheel right into the middle of the hubbub of vehicles and the rest of the auto will follow. The fact that he now has 2 large wheels in the front as well as a much wider and bulkier vehicle doesn’t matter, his formula remains the same. With relevant glands firing on all cylinders from his pituitary at the top to you-know-what at the bottom, a heady mixture of morning Sambhar and last night’s tharra in his intestine, it was a miracle that his vehicle was not flying already. In trying to do just that, he veered into the lane I was in and while his vehicle just missed brushing mine, his road rage did brush off on me. I floored my gas pedal and chased him, announcing our little contest. With odometer ticking and adrenaline kicking, horns blaring and other drivers glaring, both vehicles meandered over the ever-changing width and topology of the road. Within a kilometre of the contest, it dawned on me that when the tough get going, the going gets really tough for everybody on the road. On the next junction, I gave him the right of way, brought my vehicle to more humane sub-60 speed and carried on merrily negotiating the other problems of Hosur Road.
On the way in to work, I kept thinking – are you what you drive? Does the beast under the hood also translate to a beast behind the wheel? Do we let the size of our engine determine the size of our……ego?
If the answer is yes, then a small car owner like me will keep cowering on Bangalore roads and happily say “Ji Hosur” to the other kings of the road.
This morning I had the misfortune to drive the Hosur road stretch from Koramangala upto Keonics. I and my little Zen went through myriad experiences in that half an hour journey which I wanted to share with you. Although popularly called a road, this loose-gravel-high-accident-risk thing perpetually has some construction work being carried out on it. While it lives through the never ending cycle of cracking up and getting re-laid, its commuters are doomed to negotiate erratic traffic, horrible driving conditions and of course horrible drivers.
On a particular bad patch of the road, we encountered this guy driving his pick up truck (lawry) jostling for space against bigger vehicles. Of course he lost and got left behind amongst a group of passenger cars, in which my Zen was minding its own business. This king of the road appeared to have graduated to four wheeling after enhancing his skill to kill in a 3 wheeler. He may not be a Formula One material but his One Formula was to get his front wheel right into the middle of the hubbub of vehicles and the rest of the auto will follow. The fact that he now has 2 large wheels in the front as well as a much wider and bulkier vehicle doesn’t matter, his formula remains the same. With relevant glands firing on all cylinders from his pituitary at the top to you-know-what at the bottom, a heady mixture of morning Sambhar and last night’s tharra in his intestine, it was a miracle that his vehicle was not flying already. In trying to do just that, he veered into the lane I was in and while his vehicle just missed brushing mine, his road rage did brush off on me. I floored my gas pedal and chased him, announcing our little contest. With odometer ticking and adrenaline kicking, horns blaring and other drivers glaring, both vehicles meandered over the ever-changing width and topology of the road. Within a kilometre of the contest, it dawned on me that when the tough get going, the going gets really tough for everybody on the road. On the next junction, I gave him the right of way, brought my vehicle to more humane sub-60 speed and carried on merrily negotiating the other problems of Hosur Road.
On the way in to work, I kept thinking – are you what you drive? Does the beast under the hood also translate to a beast behind the wheel? Do we let the size of our engine determine the size of our……ego?
If the answer is yes, then a small car owner like me will keep cowering on Bangalore roads and happily say “Ji Hosur” to the other kings of the road.
17 Dec 2008
Once upon a time in India....Episode 3
Dawn on the 4th day. Scene cuts to MEdiA Culpa reporting from the frontlines and jumping with joy…
MEdiA Culpa –“All terrorists have been killed and one has been captured. You have just seen the last terrorist’s body falling out of the window, and in case you missed it, I have put the shot on a loop to run 20 times each across 20 channels every 20 minutes. Here you see the NSG commandos packed like sardines in their bus, being sent back to their barracks and there you see Hey Ram Gopal Verma accompanying Lash Rao and Pitesh, scouting for ideas for his next horr(or)ible movie. Lash Rao is now addressing the press, lets listen in”
Lash Rao smiling and winking – “RR Futile has resigned listening to the ‘Pawar’ful voice of conscience. I have told PhoenyaJi that IF she feels that I also have any moral responsibility for the worst terrorist attack on the nation, I will reluctantly resign as well. For the moment I’ll sit pretty in BombAway and anyway it will take a week of push and pull before they find a substitute. Some of BombAway’s citizens might have died, but its politics is alive and well”
Meanwhile the country is in high gear. Citizens are marching across the country, the fire in their hearts and in their candles being stoked by MEdiA Culpa.
Warnow Goswami (MEdiA Culpa) – “It’s the handiwork of ISI, JUD, JEM, LET and all other three letter worded organizations in Pak. India will not sit quiet, the time for peace marches is over and we want action. Our three letter ones, UPA, NDA, INC, BJP, CPI, RJD, BJD etc are useless but at least other three letter orgs like RAW, IAF, INA can do something. We want action”
Scene cuts to the cabinet meeting at the seat of govt, 10 Janpath.
AK Nothinghoni – “PhoneyaJi, I’m busy in finding Lash Rao’s substitute, can you ask Pranab MurkhJee to take on MEdiA Culpa and give some soundbytes – lots of sound and probably some bites?”
Phoneyaji – “MurkhJee, please be on steroids for the next week, pass on some to Moony as well. And Moony, nation’s eyes are tired from crying and need an eyewash, show Shi* Raj Futile the door out, and while showing Chidu in, keep his abacus with you. And people want some action, dig out that 2002 terrorist list and the 2003 demarche copies, change the dates and signatory, call the Pak under-under-under-under secretary and serve the updated demarche around news prime time”
Scene cuts to the Parliament. The proceedings are uncharacteristically quiet and dignified. Although the speeches are re-hashed, it doesn’t quite look like our Parliament as people for once, are bashing their neighbouring country rather than their immediate neighbours.
AdWhiney Ji, the leader of opp (ortunity) –“My centre page Ad on terrorism couldn’t do the trick, MEdiA Culpa will show this speech on a loop, maybe this will help. Moony, I and NDA’s countless fractious partners are solidly behind you (with a dagger), divided we have always stumbled through as a nation, united I don’t know what will happen. I am only good at division and you will agree that I practice what I preach”
Moony, sipping on MurkhJee’s steroids – “Changa ji thank you for your s’port”
Chaloo Yadav – “Pak’s statements reek of cow dung. My train of thought is to milk this opportunity well and pressure cook Pak with Brown-Rice Kerry diplomacy. If that doesn’t work, get Zardari to Patna, I’ll get one of Rabri’s educated brothers to teach him a lesson”
Moony – “Changa ji thank you for your s’port”
Foreign Leaders start visiting the sub-continent with four sets of talking points. Two sets each for India and Pak, one for in camera proceedings and one for in front of camera proceedings.
In India - Brown, Rice, Negroponte, McCain, Kerry – “Pak must act, Pak must act”
Moony – “Changa ji thank you for your s’port”
In Pak - Brown, Rice, Negroponte, McCain, Kerry – “Pak is our ally, Pak is our ally”
Zardari – “Changa ji thank you for your s’port”
And while the drama unfolds, life moves on staggering back to something close to normalcy, Junta mourns and seeks solace, seeks answers, seeks protection and above all seeks accountability from its rulers.
Will anything change for this Junta?
Or will the Junta change itself to bring in the required change?
Will Chidu, the accounting champion, become the champion of accountability?
Will the steroids work on Moony’s spine, currently lodged in PhoneyaJi’s hands?
To know all this, watch this space for the next episode……
MEdiA Culpa –“All terrorists have been killed and one has been captured. You have just seen the last terrorist’s body falling out of the window, and in case you missed it, I have put the shot on a loop to run 20 times each across 20 channels every 20 minutes. Here you see the NSG commandos packed like sardines in their bus, being sent back to their barracks and there you see Hey Ram Gopal Verma accompanying Lash Rao and Pitesh, scouting for ideas for his next horr(or)ible movie. Lash Rao is now addressing the press, lets listen in”
Lash Rao smiling and winking – “RR Futile has resigned listening to the ‘Pawar’ful voice of conscience. I have told PhoenyaJi that IF she feels that I also have any moral responsibility for the worst terrorist attack on the nation, I will reluctantly resign as well. For the moment I’ll sit pretty in BombAway and anyway it will take a week of push and pull before they find a substitute. Some of BombAway’s citizens might have died, but its politics is alive and well”
Meanwhile the country is in high gear. Citizens are marching across the country, the fire in their hearts and in their candles being stoked by MEdiA Culpa.
Warnow Goswami (MEdiA Culpa) – “It’s the handiwork of ISI, JUD, JEM, LET and all other three letter worded organizations in Pak. India will not sit quiet, the time for peace marches is over and we want action. Our three letter ones, UPA, NDA, INC, BJP, CPI, RJD, BJD etc are useless but at least other three letter orgs like RAW, IAF, INA can do something. We want action”
Scene cuts to the cabinet meeting at the seat of govt, 10 Janpath.
AK Nothinghoni – “PhoneyaJi, I’m busy in finding Lash Rao’s substitute, can you ask Pranab MurkhJee to take on MEdiA Culpa and give some soundbytes – lots of sound and probably some bites?”
Phoneyaji – “MurkhJee, please be on steroids for the next week, pass on some to Moony as well. And Moony, nation’s eyes are tired from crying and need an eyewash, show Shi* Raj Futile the door out, and while showing Chidu in, keep his abacus with you. And people want some action, dig out that 2002 terrorist list and the 2003 demarche copies, change the dates and signatory, call the Pak under-under-under-under secretary and serve the updated demarche around news prime time”
Scene cuts to the Parliament. The proceedings are uncharacteristically quiet and dignified. Although the speeches are re-hashed, it doesn’t quite look like our Parliament as people for once, are bashing their neighbouring country rather than their immediate neighbours.
AdWhiney Ji, the leader of opp (ortunity) –“My centre page Ad on terrorism couldn’t do the trick, MEdiA Culpa will show this speech on a loop, maybe this will help. Moony, I and NDA’s countless fractious partners are solidly behind you (with a dagger), divided we have always stumbled through as a nation, united I don’t know what will happen. I am only good at division and you will agree that I practice what I preach”
Moony, sipping on MurkhJee’s steroids – “Changa ji thank you for your s’port”
Chaloo Yadav – “Pak’s statements reek of cow dung. My train of thought is to milk this opportunity well and pressure cook Pak with Brown-Rice Kerry diplomacy. If that doesn’t work, get Zardari to Patna, I’ll get one of Rabri’s educated brothers to teach him a lesson”
Moony – “Changa ji thank you for your s’port”
Foreign Leaders start visiting the sub-continent with four sets of talking points. Two sets each for India and Pak, one for in camera proceedings and one for in front of camera proceedings.
In India - Brown, Rice, Negroponte, McCain, Kerry – “Pak must act, Pak must act”
Moony – “Changa ji thank you for your s’port”
In Pak - Brown, Rice, Negroponte, McCain, Kerry – “Pak is our ally, Pak is our ally”
Zardari – “Changa ji thank you for your s’port”
And while the drama unfolds, life moves on staggering back to something close to normalcy, Junta mourns and seeks solace, seeks answers, seeks protection and above all seeks accountability from its rulers.
Will anything change for this Junta?
Or will the Junta change itself to bring in the required change?
Will Chidu, the accounting champion, become the champion of accountability?
Will the steroids work on Moony’s spine, currently lodged in PhoneyaJi’s hands?
To know all this, watch this space for the next episode……
16 Dec 2008
Neela Aasman And Lodhi Gardens
How can it not be in my top 10 all time favorite numbers? Everything about it is awesome - the lyrics, music, location,shot sequence conception and execution. And people associated with it, right at the top of their trade - Amitabh, Rekha, Yash Chopra, Shiv-Hari,Javed Akhtar....
Visualise this scene - Lodhi Gardens, a tree lined stretch, dew on the grass, a chilly autumn evening, some time between dusk and nightfall, camera pans towards a handsome couple walking together. They are silent and holding hands and their pace is leisurely. Rekha in a pink churidaar is looking ravishing and when she locks her eyes with the tall, dark and handsome Amitabh, the screen is in a danger of melting away.
Amitabh - "Jo baat main tumse kehna chahta hoon, keh doon?"
Rekha - "Jo baat main aapse sun na chahti hoon, keh dijiye"
The couple walks, a resplendent moon accompanies, words become unnecessary and emotions pour out in a lilting melody - "Neela Aasman So Gaya".
The composition did full justice to the prose, and the poetic expression came alive in Amitabh’s rich baritone. Rekha never looked better, her beauty and subtle coyness complementing the elegance and nuances of the poetry. Yash Chopra's canvas perhaps didn't have those shades of love again.
Folks from my generation, stop dreaming and come back to the present.
Folks from the current generation, specially SRK fans, go see Silsila and this song to appreciate how to serenade a lady.
Visualise this scene - Lodhi Gardens, a tree lined stretch, dew on the grass, a chilly autumn evening, some time between dusk and nightfall, camera pans towards a handsome couple walking together. They are silent and holding hands and their pace is leisurely. Rekha in a pink churidaar is looking ravishing and when she locks her eyes with the tall, dark and handsome Amitabh, the screen is in a danger of melting away.
Amitabh - "Jo baat main tumse kehna chahta hoon, keh doon?"
Rekha - "Jo baat main aapse sun na chahti hoon, keh dijiye"
The couple walks, a resplendent moon accompanies, words become unnecessary and emotions pour out in a lilting melody - "Neela Aasman So Gaya".
The composition did full justice to the prose, and the poetic expression came alive in Amitabh’s rich baritone. Rekha never looked better, her beauty and subtle coyness complementing the elegance and nuances of the poetry. Yash Chopra's canvas perhaps didn't have those shades of love again.
Folks from my generation, stop dreaming and come back to the present.
Folks from the current generation, specially SRK fans, go see Silsila and this song to appreciate how to serenade a lady.
8 Dec 2008
Plagiarize, Personalize, Monetize....
Dear Hindi Film Music Lover...not sure if you have seen a website called itwofs.com. The site lists out 'inspirations' that our Indian film industry's music directors have had from their western (and eastern, middle eastern, asian, african, south american etc etc) counterparts. Music knows no boundaries and reaches across borders, so do our music directors! Copyright = right to copy, our cinema may not have really turned global, it sounds like our music certainly has.
You will find some usual suspects there, while Bappi Da perfected ‘lift and drop’ routine earlier on, Pritam has dropped the personalization step altogether and simply plagiarizes and monetizes. At least Bappi Da gave the industry some really soulful original tracks in the 70s and 80s, Pritam’s repertoire boasts of a re-hashed mix of global tracks in every album. The rest of the composer fraternity isn’t above board anyway. Quantity will score over quality in a tune-in-a-minute world, if you can’t create a melody, go buy the latest Australian aborigines’ music CD and pump out your score.
What aches the heart most is the realization that some inspiring tracks of great composers have been themselves inspired from elsewhere. Be it the haunting melody on guitar in Karz or the lilting “Aye Dil Hai Mushkil Jeena Yahan” from CID, our mighty may not have fallen but they surely have stumbled on occasions. Although it does not take away from the stunning body of work they have created, minor transgressions do blot their ‘track’ record forever.
In the middle ages, the line between minor and major transgression blurred. Bappi Da and Pancham started to get inspired quite often and Nadeem continued to get divine inspirations from the neighbouring country while Shravan slept. People from my generation will remember the score of Ashiqui, their first of many hits. Ashiqui also unleashed Gulshan Kumar, Kumar Sanu and Anuradha Paudwal on our senses for the better part of next decade and seems all songs in that album were lifts from earlier Pakistani film songs. While Anu Malik went abroad westwards to get his inspirations, Anand Milind did a mad rush to Madras and hopped on to Trivandrum and Hyderabad on their inspirational round trip.
What gives me hope with this generation is that for every Pritam, there is a Vishal Bhardwaj and a Vishal-Shekhar and for every Sanjiv-Darshan (sons of Shravan!!) there are Shankar-Ehsan-Loy. This threesome goes to the extreme to ensure anything they compose doesn’t sound similar to any other tune they may have heard. More power to this new generation and more PMPO to its music….hope originality and melody live long.
You will find some usual suspects there, while Bappi Da perfected ‘lift and drop’ routine earlier on, Pritam has dropped the personalization step altogether and simply plagiarizes and monetizes. At least Bappi Da gave the industry some really soulful original tracks in the 70s and 80s, Pritam’s repertoire boasts of a re-hashed mix of global tracks in every album. The rest of the composer fraternity isn’t above board anyway. Quantity will score over quality in a tune-in-a-minute world, if you can’t create a melody, go buy the latest Australian aborigines’ music CD and pump out your score.
What aches the heart most is the realization that some inspiring tracks of great composers have been themselves inspired from elsewhere. Be it the haunting melody on guitar in Karz or the lilting “Aye Dil Hai Mushkil Jeena Yahan” from CID, our mighty may not have fallen but they surely have stumbled on occasions. Although it does not take away from the stunning body of work they have created, minor transgressions do blot their ‘track’ record forever.
In the middle ages, the line between minor and major transgression blurred. Bappi Da and Pancham started to get inspired quite often and Nadeem continued to get divine inspirations from the neighbouring country while Shravan slept. People from my generation will remember the score of Ashiqui, their first of many hits. Ashiqui also unleashed Gulshan Kumar, Kumar Sanu and Anuradha Paudwal on our senses for the better part of next decade and seems all songs in that album were lifts from earlier Pakistani film songs. While Anu Malik went abroad westwards to get his inspirations, Anand Milind did a mad rush to Madras and hopped on to Trivandrum and Hyderabad on their inspirational round trip.
What gives me hope with this generation is that for every Pritam, there is a Vishal Bhardwaj and a Vishal-Shekhar and for every Sanjiv-Darshan (sons of Shravan!!) there are Shankar-Ehsan-Loy. This threesome goes to the extreme to ensure anything they compose doesn’t sound similar to any other tune they may have heard. More power to this new generation and more PMPO to its music….hope originality and melody live long.
5 Dec 2008
Deshdrohi - The non-state actor
Of course, they had to ban the movie Deshdrohi in Maharashtra.
From the promos, it surely looked an ‘incite’ful movie. The lead protagonist, played by Kamaal R Khan, seemed to be from Bihar, who has been rubbed (clubbed?) the wrong way and he ends up emptying his clip into what kind of looked like a crooked politician. It was difficult to ascertain which was more moronic, the plot or the main lead. Seems he was also the producer of the movie, which, well in some sense, justifies his inexplicable urge to emote in front of the camera. And emote he did, plethora of expressions that the script demanded were consistently met by his straight dead pan face. I am wondering who bankrolled his foray into tinseltown and enabled him to spread 18 reels of cinematic grandeur our way? Must be somebody who gained all that money investors like me lost in the stock market, but I digress….
Of course they had to ban the movie. It may be a product of questionable artistic value, but it made a statement against what was happening in the state then. Of course they have to curb freedom of expression of common citizen, it is much easier to let the citizenry suffer then control the political goondas like Raj Thackeray. This lumpen element has not only lampooned law of the land but also has broken all earlier standards of divisiveness set by other respected netas. Raj may be born a maratha manoos but his activities are a bane to any state, Mr Zardari, he is our very own non-state actor or shall I say "Deshdrohi"? Unity of this land now lies at the mercy of such politicians, ask him Next is What? And he will divide you on the basis of your Pin code next.
Oh well, Kamaal will survive this. Khans, in general, have not starved in Bollywood and while some do possess theatrical abilities, some..ahum…well, have a surname that ensures eyeballs and currency at the box office. And that means whether you are a non-state actor or in this case a non-state non-actor, you’ll make it. Does that sound like “Deshdrohi returns” is on its way? My portfolio is going deeper into the red everyday, maybe Kamaal’s financier is licking his lips and his notes and shouting LIGHTS, CAMERA, ACTION……….
From the promos, it surely looked an ‘incite’ful movie. The lead protagonist, played by Kamaal R Khan, seemed to be from Bihar, who has been rubbed (clubbed?) the wrong way and he ends up emptying his clip into what kind of looked like a crooked politician. It was difficult to ascertain which was more moronic, the plot or the main lead. Seems he was also the producer of the movie, which, well in some sense, justifies his inexplicable urge to emote in front of the camera. And emote he did, plethora of expressions that the script demanded were consistently met by his straight dead pan face. I am wondering who bankrolled his foray into tinseltown and enabled him to spread 18 reels of cinematic grandeur our way? Must be somebody who gained all that money investors like me lost in the stock market, but I digress….
Of course they had to ban the movie. It may be a product of questionable artistic value, but it made a statement against what was happening in the state then. Of course they have to curb freedom of expression of common citizen, it is much easier to let the citizenry suffer then control the political goondas like Raj Thackeray. This lumpen element has not only lampooned law of the land but also has broken all earlier standards of divisiveness set by other respected netas. Raj may be born a maratha manoos but his activities are a bane to any state, Mr Zardari, he is our very own non-state actor or shall I say "Deshdrohi"? Unity of this land now lies at the mercy of such politicians, ask him Next is What? And he will divide you on the basis of your Pin code next.
Oh well, Kamaal will survive this. Khans, in general, have not starved in Bollywood and while some do possess theatrical abilities, some..ahum…well, have a surname that ensures eyeballs and currency at the box office. And that means whether you are a non-state actor or in this case a non-state non-actor, you’ll make it. Does that sound like “Deshdrohi returns” is on its way? My portfolio is going deeper into the red everyday, maybe Kamaal’s financier is licking his lips and his notes and shouting LIGHTS, CAMERA, ACTION……….
Once Upon a Time in India....Episode 2
Scene cuts to home ministry. Shi* Raj Futile on phone with Dr MoonyMoony Singh
Shi* Raj Futile –“ Doc, 8th terrorist episode this year alone and still one more month to go before the year ends, you need to increase my salary so that I can get new BandGalas stitched as a monthly affair. Anyway, latest news is that 100 people have died and I am ready with my written speech for the BombAway trip. What else do you suggest”
MoonyMoony Singh – “Oh my god! Each of those 420 MLAs in BombAway legislature have A to Z security with Laal Batti cars, assault weapon touting, marine training enabled commandos. Lash Rao even has 4 bullet proof armoured vehicles, why is all that infrastructure not being mobilized to respond to terrorists since the last 12 hours?”
Shi* Raj Futile –“Doc, no point in being so logical all the time, did you not get any coalition Dharma lessons from Trash Karat all this while? Faulticians are national assets and must be protected, its the common citizen and the common dog that does the womb to bomb to tomb routine. Phoneya Ji has said send NSG commando so you just rubber stamp the order to wake NSG commandos up, arrange for a plane and send them”
MoonyMoony Singh thinking –“Plane… plane…. oh ho..the only one that was airworthy and free has been taken by Mrs P Futile on her weekend break, she got really tired in her only official duty this week bestowing heavy award trophies in a ceremony and wanted to taste some south asian food. …let me see if PraFool Patel can order something that flies from AI hangars. You call Army HQ and ask them to get NSG commandos ready.”
Scene cuts to Army NSG HQ.
Shi* Raj Futile –“NSG Chief, round up your men, we have to send them in the harm’s way”
NSG Chief –“Sir, what happened to our pay raise issue? Your ministry has decided that our commandos should now get lesser salary than a CM’s driver. Our minister AK NothingHoni anyway doesn’t do or say anything on this. We will give our lives on your order but while we are alive, we need to be paid”
Shi* Raj Futile –“Oh ho, you soldiers have become too greedy, just in the last pay commission, we had approved 24 eggs in monthly ration for you. Don’t forget that. This time a 100% raise has been given to bureaucRATS by themselves and we will address your issues in the next pay commission in 2012. March your men up, play some patriotic songs in their plane and in the BEST bus that is waiting for them at BombAway airport.”
NSG Chief issuing orders to men – “ATTENTION ! GET UP, SHUT UP and PUT UP with what’s being thrown at you. Go, rescue BombAway. Jai Hind”
Scene cuts to BombAway hotels under siege. MEdiA Culpa is covering the incident and breaking its breaking news every 2nd minute. By this time there are more camera flashes and news flashes than policemen flashing their badges. The terrorists are now being shot first by newsmen 100 mtrs away from the hotel and then by the policemen a further 500 mtrs away.
MEdiA Culpa – “News hungry nation, I will whet your appetite for gore and blood. While my eyes are set on the duty to keep you informed, my camera eye is set on getting best footage for my TRPs and your eyes set on my screen will get me my Ad revenues. If I don’t report, somebody else will. In this race to the ringing cash register, the one who shows the most graphic details of bombs/bullets/bodies/blood/death/destruction/combat/mayhem/suffering, wins. Enough is never enough and in any case, the camera doesn’t exult or grieve in what it shows, it just shows what is. If you don’t like the message I bring you, don’t shoot the messenger”
BEST bus carrying NSG personnel creaks to a stop outside Taj, another at Oberoi. Men alight, take positions and start fighting the terrorist gallantly. They don’t have floorplans of the hotels and are fighting blind. They go room by room, shooting, clearing and sanitizing the 1000 room hotels. Inch by inch they conquer the million sq foot of devastated real estate. Shattered glass, concrete, spent ammunition shells, grenade shrapnel, strewn human bodies and the overpowering stench of mayhem and death is all around them. It’s a painful process, with their lives at risk they go on......there are terrorists to kill and hostages to save. Some hostages are dying, some are crying, some are injured, hungry, thirsty, some are scared and all scarred forever. The operation continues for 59 hrs, MEdiA Culpa covering every millisecond of it and an increasingly angry nation watches.
What will MoonyMoony Singh do now?
Will India stand with a straight spine and in a loud voice, demand retribution from the perpetrators?
Will Indians stand up and demand basic right of protection of life from their faulticians? 61 years of independence hasn’t secured a job, a roof, food and water for the population, now add life itself to that list.
Will a dog glance at Major Unnikrishnan’s house, now that he is not alive?
Will Pandoo havaldar get a replacement of AK47 instead of his danda?
To know all this, watch this space for the next episode……….
Shi* Raj Futile –“ Doc, 8th terrorist episode this year alone and still one more month to go before the year ends, you need to increase my salary so that I can get new BandGalas stitched as a monthly affair. Anyway, latest news is that 100 people have died and I am ready with my written speech for the BombAway trip. What else do you suggest”
MoonyMoony Singh – “Oh my god! Each of those 420 MLAs in BombAway legislature have A to Z security with Laal Batti cars, assault weapon touting, marine training enabled commandos. Lash Rao even has 4 bullet proof armoured vehicles, why is all that infrastructure not being mobilized to respond to terrorists since the last 12 hours?”
Shi* Raj Futile –“Doc, no point in being so logical all the time, did you not get any coalition Dharma lessons from Trash Karat all this while? Faulticians are national assets and must be protected, its the common citizen and the common dog that does the womb to bomb to tomb routine. Phoneya Ji has said send NSG commando so you just rubber stamp the order to wake NSG commandos up, arrange for a plane and send them”
MoonyMoony Singh thinking –“Plane… plane…. oh ho..the only one that was airworthy and free has been taken by Mrs P Futile on her weekend break, she got really tired in her only official duty this week bestowing heavy award trophies in a ceremony and wanted to taste some south asian food. …let me see if PraFool Patel can order something that flies from AI hangars. You call Army HQ and ask them to get NSG commandos ready.”
Scene cuts to Army NSG HQ.
Shi* Raj Futile –“NSG Chief, round up your men, we have to send them in the harm’s way”
NSG Chief –“Sir, what happened to our pay raise issue? Your ministry has decided that our commandos should now get lesser salary than a CM’s driver. Our minister AK NothingHoni anyway doesn’t do or say anything on this. We will give our lives on your order but while we are alive, we need to be paid”
Shi* Raj Futile –“Oh ho, you soldiers have become too greedy, just in the last pay commission, we had approved 24 eggs in monthly ration for you. Don’t forget that. This time a 100% raise has been given to bureaucRATS by themselves and we will address your issues in the next pay commission in 2012. March your men up, play some patriotic songs in their plane and in the BEST bus that is waiting for them at BombAway airport.”
NSG Chief issuing orders to men – “ATTENTION ! GET UP, SHUT UP and PUT UP with what’s being thrown at you. Go, rescue BombAway. Jai Hind”
Scene cuts to BombAway hotels under siege. MEdiA Culpa is covering the incident and breaking its breaking news every 2nd minute. By this time there are more camera flashes and news flashes than policemen flashing their badges. The terrorists are now being shot first by newsmen 100 mtrs away from the hotel and then by the policemen a further 500 mtrs away.
MEdiA Culpa – “News hungry nation, I will whet your appetite for gore and blood. While my eyes are set on the duty to keep you informed, my camera eye is set on getting best footage for my TRPs and your eyes set on my screen will get me my Ad revenues. If I don’t report, somebody else will. In this race to the ringing cash register, the one who shows the most graphic details of bombs/bullets/bodies/blood/death/destruction/combat/mayhem/suffering, wins. Enough is never enough and in any case, the camera doesn’t exult or grieve in what it shows, it just shows what is. If you don’t like the message I bring you, don’t shoot the messenger”
BEST bus carrying NSG personnel creaks to a stop outside Taj, another at Oberoi. Men alight, take positions and start fighting the terrorist gallantly. They don’t have floorplans of the hotels and are fighting blind. They go room by room, shooting, clearing and sanitizing the 1000 room hotels. Inch by inch they conquer the million sq foot of devastated real estate. Shattered glass, concrete, spent ammunition shells, grenade shrapnel, strewn human bodies and the overpowering stench of mayhem and death is all around them. It’s a painful process, with their lives at risk they go on......there are terrorists to kill and hostages to save. Some hostages are dying, some are crying, some are injured, hungry, thirsty, some are scared and all scarred forever. The operation continues for 59 hrs, MEdiA Culpa covering every millisecond of it and an increasingly angry nation watches.
What will MoonyMoony Singh do now?
Will India stand with a straight spine and in a loud voice, demand retribution from the perpetrators?
Will Indians stand up and demand basic right of protection of life from their faulticians? 61 years of independence hasn’t secured a job, a roof, food and water for the population, now add life itself to that list.
Will a dog glance at Major Unnikrishnan’s house, now that he is not alive?
Will Pandoo havaldar get a replacement of AK47 instead of his danda?
To know all this, watch this space for the next episode……….
4 Dec 2008
Once Upon a Time In India.....Episode 1
There was a great state called ‘Mara’rashtra. The state was a jewel in India’s crown and its capital ‘Bombaway’ was the financial fulcrum of the whole nation. The state was governed by the faulticians - Cheap Minister Lash Rao DeepCrook and his deputy R R Futile.
The capital attracted tourists and terrorists alike and Lash Rao’s administration extended all possible facilities, so that the former can charge their credit cards and the latter can discharge their weapons easily.
26th Nov - Scene cuts to DeepCrook residence. An agitated Mrs DeepCrook – “Lash Rao ji, BombAway is being bombed again!! “Lash Rao – “Oh ho, I just slept after seeing our son Pitesh’s new flopped movie, why cant we look at this tomorrow? What exactly has happened?””Mrs DeepCrook – “Seems 10 people have laid a seige and have taken Taj and Trident Hotels hostage” Lash Rao – “Oh ho, they must be tourists and not terrorists, and must be hungry, that is why they have gone to these hotels. Ok, lets do something, call Futlile Ji right away”
Scene cuts to R R Futile, who is currently chasing a bar girl out in a dingy street.
Lash Rao – “Futile Ji, leave the damn bar girl for once, seems there is a terrorist siege. I’m going to sleep, can you do something? Call me around noon tomorrow for a status update, I need to go give a muhurat clap for Pitesh’s new movie being directed by Hey Ram Kumar Verma, tomorrow morning”
R R Futile – “Sir, I cant leave the bar girl, Pawar Ji wants to get BombAway ridden of this dastardly crime, I will call the other Futile in the system, Shi* Raj Futile in Delhi and see what he can do about this”
Scene cuts to Delhi, Shi* Raj is currently getting measured for a new BandGala suit.
R R Futile – “Shi* Raj Ji – BombAway is under siege. Most of our local policeforce is busy securing other faulticians and bollywood personalities and our brave Maratha Manoos Crass Thackeray only confronts poor Biharis and not Pakistani terrorists. Of course in big cities such small incidents happen but can you do something?”
Shi* Raj Futile – “Good that I am getting a new BandGala suit, I visit all terror attack sites in new suits only. Let me speak to Phoneya Ji and see what we can do”
Scene cuts to ‘Con’gress party HQ where Phoneya Ji is getting head massage from Shiela DeepShi*.
Shi* Raj Futile –“Madam, people dying in ‘Mara’rashtra. What to do?”
Phoneya Ji – “Call MoonyMoony Singh at Chidu’s house. They must be trying to balance the national budget on their abacus. Have Moony find an aeroplane and send NSG commandos to BombAway. Also send message to the biggest Futile in the system, Mrs P Futile, who is currently in Indonesia trying some authentic asian curries. If she has finished her tourism, maybe she can come back and help calm the nation’s nerves”
Will NSG commandos be able to measure upto the task?
Will ‘Mara’rashtra keep witnessing high body count in these regular attacks?
Will Shi* Raj Futile get his new BandGala before the attacks finish, so that he could attend the photoshoot looking prim and proper?
To know all this, watch this space for the next episode……….
The capital attracted tourists and terrorists alike and Lash Rao’s administration extended all possible facilities, so that the former can charge their credit cards and the latter can discharge their weapons easily.
26th Nov - Scene cuts to DeepCrook residence. An agitated Mrs DeepCrook – “Lash Rao ji, BombAway is being bombed again!! “Lash Rao – “Oh ho, I just slept after seeing our son Pitesh’s new flopped movie, why cant we look at this tomorrow? What exactly has happened?””Mrs DeepCrook – “Seems 10 people have laid a seige and have taken Taj and Trident Hotels hostage” Lash Rao – “Oh ho, they must be tourists and not terrorists, and must be hungry, that is why they have gone to these hotels. Ok, lets do something, call Futlile Ji right away”
Scene cuts to R R Futile, who is currently chasing a bar girl out in a dingy street.
Lash Rao – “Futile Ji, leave the damn bar girl for once, seems there is a terrorist siege. I’m going to sleep, can you do something? Call me around noon tomorrow for a status update, I need to go give a muhurat clap for Pitesh’s new movie being directed by Hey Ram Kumar Verma, tomorrow morning”
R R Futile – “Sir, I cant leave the bar girl, Pawar Ji wants to get BombAway ridden of this dastardly crime, I will call the other Futile in the system, Shi* Raj Futile in Delhi and see what he can do about this”
Scene cuts to Delhi, Shi* Raj is currently getting measured for a new BandGala suit.
R R Futile – “Shi* Raj Ji – BombAway is under siege. Most of our local policeforce is busy securing other faulticians and bollywood personalities and our brave Maratha Manoos Crass Thackeray only confronts poor Biharis and not Pakistani terrorists. Of course in big cities such small incidents happen but can you do something?”
Shi* Raj Futile – “Good that I am getting a new BandGala suit, I visit all terror attack sites in new suits only. Let me speak to Phoneya Ji and see what we can do”
Scene cuts to ‘Con’gress party HQ where Phoneya Ji is getting head massage from Shiela DeepShi*.
Shi* Raj Futile –“Madam, people dying in ‘Mara’rashtra. What to do?”
Phoneya Ji – “Call MoonyMoony Singh at Chidu’s house. They must be trying to balance the national budget on their abacus. Have Moony find an aeroplane and send NSG commandos to BombAway. Also send message to the biggest Futile in the system, Mrs P Futile, who is currently in Indonesia trying some authentic asian curries. If she has finished her tourism, maybe she can come back and help calm the nation’s nerves”
Will NSG commandos be able to measure upto the task?
Will ‘Mara’rashtra keep witnessing high body count in these regular attacks?
Will Shi* Raj Futile get his new BandGala before the attacks finish, so that he could attend the photoshoot looking prim and proper?
To know all this, watch this space for the next episode……….
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